everywhere love is.

originally posted on instagram, jan. 2022

i’ve been thinking a lot about grief. how it comes and goes just like this life. i try to befriend it. sit with her and hold the necessary space but she’s so heavy at times, i have to put her down. she deserves to be, like the rest of us, i guess. i try to learn from her. to seize the days and soak in the nights. stay on the phone longer and hold hands. always hold hands. make recordings of laughs, have more sleepovers and hours long talks on a sun drenched porch but to be honest she scares me. i’m afraid she’ll come too soon. i’ll miscalculate the time or forget that something i meant to say. most recently she came so unexpectedly and with such fury, i screamed. and she answered softly, “i am everywhere love is.” and we both wept until there was nothing left, no static or rambling to-dos. we sat completely drained, drenched in a pool of everlasting remembering. every good thing, every touch, even the cadence of that spectacular voice seeping into our pores, so we may be together forever. grief gave me that gift and i can’t help but feel grateful.